Congratulations Horrible Woman!

The world is full of shitty people - we spend most of our days watching appalling numbers of them. But you really take the cake.

Today, while working on your horrible mystery novel in your disgusting apartment full of cats, a young man will tumble from the roof above past your apartment, just barely catching himself on the fire escape by your window. He'll be screaming incredibly loudly, which will distract you from your "writing" (repeatedly refreshing Google in an effort to find nude photographs of Ryan Gosling) and force you to open your shades, allowing a cascade of light into your apartment for the first time in days.

"Whaddya want?" you'll ask the young man, who will be gibbering in fear.

"Puh," he'll begin, but the words will catch in his mouth. "Puh-puh-puh-"

You'll shut the window to block out his stuttering and turn back to your "work."

"Gul dern liberals," you'll mumble, scratching yourself in full view of the window. You'll catch yourself thinking for a moment as your hand plays over your crotch that that young man did look a little bit like Ryan Gosling, and that helping him out might've helped you a bit, maybe, if it worked out alright. But by the time you find your grabby-stick and return to the window he'll have already fallen to the ground.

"Easy come," you'll mumble to yourself before thinking better of finishing your sentence.

The situation resolved, you'll turn back to your Dell laptop and get back to Googling, occasionally pausing to type a few lines of lazy prose into your computer. Most of them will relate to how much better women are than men at solving crimes, and how if women ran police departments there'd be no more crime. The rest will be too racist to repeat here.

Congratulations Horrible Woman!