Anyone can become a boss. All you have to do is wear collared shirts and generally act like a douche, occasionally getting too drunk at office parties and putting your dick in one of your less attractive co-workers. It’s just a matter of walking the line and reading a bunch of super douchey books that no one with an even somewhat interesting personality reads.
But showing you’re a boss, that’s a different story. It’s more than just doing the things that make you a boss. It’s usually firing someone in a really public setting, and better yet doing it when they’ve done nothing wrong. If you want to score mega points you need to do it to someone who has good reason to make mistakes and really needs their job while someone else nearby is doing something completely incompetent.
Today you’re going to do it to Jeremy, one of your better employees, for giving you a black and white copy that he printed out of the color printer.
“But the queue on the black and white was huge and it was only one page,” he’ll respond, tears welling in his eyes.
“I don’t make the rules,” you’ll tell Jeremy, using the dad voice you’ve never had a chance to bring to bear on your non-existent children.
“This isn’t a rule!” he’ll scream as building security hauls him out.
“Tell it to the ACLU!” you’ll shout after him, letting loose a deep chuckle as you watch him get dragged down the hall. A band of whistling HR reps will already be hard at work cleaning out his cube, throwing away personal effects and reveling in the display of their incredibly limited power.
At this point you’ll notice that all your underlings are sitting and staring a the chaos. You’ll smirk to yourself and strut back to your desk, callously spitting a quick “get back to work” as you sit down to watch Youtube for the rest of the day.
Congratulations on Showing Those Fuckers Who’s Boss!
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