Today you’re Alan Moore. You’re a brilliant shut in who has written some of the weirdest, most evocative works of fiction in the last century and you’ve received jack all recognition for it. You’ve seen your works bastardized in reproductions which could generously be called parody and could be more accurately described as “absolute shit” and you’ve done all you can to ignore it and keep making interesting literature that academia will ignore for another twenty years before coming to offer you the same sort of fawning praise they’ve now condescended to offer “genre fiction” authors.
Today you’re going to receive a DVD containing the film The Watchmen from Netflix. You’ll have ordered the film some time ago, but it was a distant relic in your queue, behind The Zero Effect (such a good movie!) and 28 Days Later, both of which you just wanted to see again.
Today you’re going to watch that DVD. You’ll get halfway through before ejecting it from the tray, breaking it in half and mailing it back to Netflix that way, fulfilling the deep, secret wishes of everyone who saw that movie after reading the original story.
This entire affair will be complicated because the collective consciousness of those people will also be mired somewhere in your subconscious. We’d try to explain it in greater detail, but it’s really hard and you wrote The Black Dossier, so we have a feeling you’ll be able to understand the sort of metaphysics in play here.
Congratulations on Viewing The Watchmen and thanks for enacting what all of us want to do to that film.
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1 comment:
Hear hear! I was mildly entertained by the movie, but it didn't even come close to touching what the graphic novel was all about. Hilarious blog, keep it up!
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