Congratulations on Restraining Yourself!

Prostitutes charge extra after they’ve been with you once. Most of them won’t refuse to see you a second time, so you’re obviously not that bad a john, but they will make you dole out a hefty payment because of the “weird shit” you usually visit upon them. And since you tend to wheel out more and more of your little secrets as you get to know them better, since they’re the only people you can really open up to in the first place, they tend to charge more and more as time goes on.

Eventually, inevitably, their rates rise too high and you must refuse. Then the two of you share an awkward goodbye hug (another exorbanant charge you insist on levying) and go your separate ways.

You’re okay with the rising cost of love in the world. You’re even okay paying for sex. But you just cannot afford to keep going through this cycle with a new sex worker every month. That’s why tonight, when fresh faced young Shelly come by you’ll strap yourself into restraints and tell her you just want her to “go to town” on you.

When she asks what you mean you’ll shrug and tell her to get as bad as she wants. Thinking you’re a John looking for a scare she’ll pull out her entire bag of tricks, an astoundingly filthy selection considering she’s a schoolteacher during the day. You’ll want to ask her for more and more but you’ll stop yourself this time, submitting to someone for the first time since Margaret ruptured your colon.

When she finally finishes, drenched in sweat, the two of you will both be smiling. Shelly will stroke the side of your face and charge you the arranged rate. She’ll release the cuffs and tell you to call her again, shaking her hips as she leaves the room.

You’ll feel hopeful for the first time in months. Not because you’ve found love or a new life for yourself but because you’ve found a sex worker who gets you and enjoys touching you in exchange for money. And really that’s just as good.

Congratulations on Restraining Yourself!