Through a cosmic confluence of the television show Cops, your step-mom being a total bitch and your dad never really loving you you’re going to become a local celebrity. Just show up at the nearest JP Licks at 2:30 PM with a bowie knife stuck in your pants and no shirt. Fate will take care of the rest.
After today people will remember your name, your girlfriend will let you move up a full base, you’ll be emancipated from your parents and you’ll have your first experience with anal sex. We’d say more, but we don’t want to ruin the surprise.
Congratulations on Becoming a Local Celebrity! Enjoy living on your own, the settlement checks, discounts at other local stores and seeing a 19 year old vagina that should probably be in a medical textbook, it’s so horrifying.
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