Congratulations on Dealing with the Late Fees!

When you come to it’ll be almost a month later in the library. You’ll still be seated at the table where you were reading all those incredibly lame occult books only now you’ll be covered in various kinds of blood and dust. You’ll look like absolute hell, and when you stumble up to Gladys with books in hand she’ll look at you like she’s seeing a ghost.

That is, until she notices the condition of the various volumes you’re returning. Then you’ll flip shit on you, tearing you up and down about proper book care and acceptable standards of behavior when using what is essentially public property. You’ll get a little aroused by the whole thing but you’ll be way too tapped out from fighting devils to do anything about it.

When you try to tell her the story, largely through flashbacks, she’ll be skeptical and will start totaling up the damages and late fees you owe for books that you never actually removed from the god damn library. Your heart will leap into your throat, since the fees will rapidly approach the quadruple digit range and you’re relatively confident that after a month of absence you’ll no longer have a job selling people lube and dildos at reasonable prices.

You’ll be saved, luckily, when a massive, otherworldly horned beast leaps at you from behind the stacks, pinning you against the desk and drooling all over your skull. You’ll be sure that this is the end, since the burly swordsmen from the dark ages won’t be there to help you this time, but then Gladys will let loose an ear splitting scream and the hellbeast will lose track of you for a moment, cocking its head at her panic.

You’ll take advantage of that moment and grab a pen from the checkout desk, tearing it off its beaded chain and driving it between the beast’s gaping jaws and into its soft upper palate, wedging it deep into its brain. The monster will go slack above you and collapse, pinning you under its weight, but at least it won’t be trying to eat you.

We suggest saying something cool at this point, something about the pen being mightier than the sword, maybe, so that you’ll have a shot at banging Gladys, but that’s your call. However you play it she’s going to waive your late fees, so that’s pretty sweet.

Congratulations on Dealing with the Late Fees!