Congratulations Trembling Rodent!

As the debate drags on, the Republican candidate will continue to spout vaguely religious bullshit about how god wants America to be great and he believes that he'll fulfill god's will on Earth by insuring that America remains the greatest blah to ever blah.

It'll be more of the same, more of what everyone's heard before.  It won't be until it ends, until the moderator turns to you and you sit there, shivering, occasionally making a small squeaking noise, that the crowd erupts into applause.

It won't be much of a speech, all things considered.  But it will be one hell of a piece of rhetoric.  You'll have, in one wordless 30 second chunk of slight gestures, perfectly framed the problematic duality of fear and hope that America is currently grappling with.

Paired with your strong stance on a number of prominent issues, including tort reform, gun control and healthcare reform, and a solid campaign run by taking the moral high ground and refusing to mount attack ads on your opponent, even as he attempts to cast doubt on your American heritage, this debate will effectively seal the election for you.  You'll be a lock, and you'll win in a landslide, taking all of the blue states, and most of the red states where they still like cuteness.  Only Texas and Florida will vote Republican, citing their famous state slogans, "Sorry, We're Assholes Here" and "We're Basically a Bunch of Dumb Racists," respectively.

Your inauguration will be met with unbridled hope, which will only make your assassination in a few months by a hawk that much more heartbreaking.

Congratulations Trembling Rodent!