Congratulations on Really Just Not Feeling It Today!

When you’re loading your submachine gun and double checking your kit, you’ll feel it in your bones: today is just one of those days where you would’ve been better off staying in bed.  But you didn’t, so you’ll load your extra ammo, double check your pistol and your knives and give an enthusiasm-lacking thumbs up to your supervisor who will, in turn, nod back at you.  You’ll wonder if he’s thinking the same thing you are.

Less than an hour later you’ll be busting through the door, screaming at people to get down, grab their heads, stay on the floor.  Mostly they’ll go through the motions: like you, they’ll just be trying to make a dollar however they can.  But one guy will start running for a shotgun on a tabletop.  He’ll shout something at you, something like “I ain’t going back,” or something else appropriately clichéd.  You’ll roll your eyes, shrug at your fellow SWAT team members, and then shoot the young man running for the gun repeatedly in his face and upper torso.

When you’re back at the policehouse filling out your paperwork, you’ll lazily consider a career as a pastry chef or maybe working as a barista, narrowly making ends meet, enjoying surprisingly robust health insurance for a part time job.  But even settling into a new career like that would take effort, far more effort than you can muster today.  So you’ll go through the motions of recording amounts of crack and heroin you found in the stash house and you’ll verify down to the bullet how many times you shot that drug dealer in the back, barely even taking care to exaggerate his aggressive posturing for future reports.

When you’re done, you won’t feel accomplished, or like you’ve lived through an adventure.  You’ll just feel like you want to go home, watch Mad Men and drink yourself to sleep.  That’ll be just within your grasp on today, this shittiest of days.

Congratulations on Really Just Not Feeling It Today!