When the final burst of gas is emitted from your colon,
there will be tears welling in her eyes.
“Of course I’ll marry you!” will be what she wants to
say. But instead keening sobs will
emerge from her mouth as she throws herself upon you, crying, kissing the side
of your face, your lips, your nose, your ears, anything she can find. You’ll taste her snot and, for the first time
in your adult life, the taste of snot will be pleasant, even endearing. When she finally manages to mumble a yes into
your ear, you’ll lift her off the ground with a hug.
When she touches the ground again she’ll lean in and whisper
in your ear again:
“This is the wettest I’ve ever been,” she’ll murmur.
You’ll nod, then guide her by the hand to a nearby broom closet
where you’ll rip her clothes off and savage her while your guests try to figure
out where the two of you are.
Congratulations on Farting Out Her Name!
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