When you wake up today and step in front of your mirror, a
solution will suddenly dawn on you. You’ll
reach for your safety razor and, for the first time in your adult life, use it
on your upper lip.
It’ll be a struggle at first. The hair will have grown thick upon it, and
while you’ll have been using scissors to keep it in check over the last decade
or so, you won’t have ever tried to violate the thicket that has grown upon
your face. The razor will work in
patches, clearing them unsteadily and unevenly.
You’ll have to make three or four passes and, at one point, you’ll have
to replace the blade on your razor.
But when you’re done you’ll look in the mirror and know
success. You will, for the first time
since turning 19, no longer look like you are about to deposit rohypnol in
someone’s drink. It’ll make you feel
proud, which is sort of sad, because the pride you’ll be feeling will be at
attaining a minimum standard for human decency and grooming.
You’ll also shiver a bit: your upper lip will be cold.
Congratulations on Dialing Down Your Rape Vibe!
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