Congratulations on Proving to the World That You're Insecure About Your Dick!

Today you’re going to try to PM a picture of your tiny dick to a woman you dated a few years ago over twitter.  But, like many people, you actually won’t be very good at using twitter, so instead of PMing you’ll end up DMing your dick pic to your ex.  And since your ex is followed by around ten thousand people (she’s a moderately successful entertainer who does quite well on the internet) it won’t take long for everyone to discover a picture of your engorged two inch cock emblazoned with the message “SEE IS FINE.”

You’ll become a meme overnight.  The next day at the office people will ask if “you saw the dick pic dude.”  You’ll then be treated to a link to a picture of your own tiny penis next to a ruler.  You’ll spend most of your morning on the phone with the Twitter support staff, trying to get your entire account deleted, but you won’t be able to.  Twitter, you see, has a strict “no take backs” policy, and so by noon your co-workers will have figured out just who owns your twitter account, they’ll know that you dated Cynthia Nixon for a very brief time, and they’ll know that you have a tiny dick.

You’ll sit at your computer, mind reeling as your co-workers gather around you, speechless at what they’ve uncovered.  After a long, long wait one of your gay co-workers, accustomed to seeing people’s dicks and as such non-plussed with the concept of knowing what a man he know’s junk might look like, will ask “Is Cynthia Nixon nice in person?”

“The nicest,” will be your flat reply.

Congratulations on Proving to the World That You’re Insecure About Your Dick!