Congratulations on Being Mauled Awake by Dingoes!

After yesterday’s drug trip, some of us didn’t think you’d ever wake up.  But this morning, small mercy of small mercies, you’re going to be so badly mauled by dingoes that you’ll be roused awake by the experience.  You’ll still be under the influence of the psychedelics, so it’ll be a terrifying experience, resplendent with some of the more horrifying synesthesia that a human being can experience.  You’ll kill two of the dingoes with a sharp rock, scare away the rest of the pack and drink the blood of the fallen to regain your strength.  Then you’ll limp back to your car and drive yourself to the nearest hospital, two hundred miles away.

Once you’re good and settled in there you’ll be put on a steady drip of narcotics that will make the rest of your vacation incredible.  One of the hospital staff will contact your boss at home and inform them that due to a freak camping accident you’ll have to stay in Australia for an extra week.  Your boss will be so alarmed that he’ll give you his blessing and ask the hospital to call you whenever you get a chance and keep him updated.

The news will be delivered to you by an incredibly tall and buxom nurse with perfect skin and a marvelous tan.

“Guess you’ve made the best of a bad one, eh?” she’ll smile at you.

You’ll smile back at her.

“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” the drugs will then say.

The nurse, used to this but attracted to you all the same, will take advantage of this and proceed to make out with you for two hours.  Over the course of the week the two of you will have hospital night shift sex (number six on the list of awesome kinds of sex to have) and when you leave Australia you’ll have a very, very good reason to come back one day.

Also two dingo pelts.

Congratulations on Being Mauled Awake by Dingoes!