Monday, March 31, 2014

Congratulations Obsessive Compulsive Dog!



Scratching the dirt, nothing will be there.  But the scent, the scent will remain.

Paws tearing, sifting, working, but nothing.

In a moment you'll raise your nose, sniff again, feeling, waiting to see if something, anything emerges, but it won't.  Your interest will waver for a moment as you ponder departing, ponder finding a new place, a new smell to investigate, but this place, this odor, will remain sharp, like a knife in your brain.

You will be unable to walk away.  Scratching the dirt, nothing will be there, but the scent, the scent will remain.

Congratulations Obsessive Compulsive Dog!

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Super Nerd Sundays Presents: The Future-History of DotA!



I started playing MOBAs half a decade before the genre had a name, back when the genre entire was contained within DotA.  Even so I was actually kind of a late adopter by DotA standards; I came aboard at version 5.36, amidst a sea of balance changes that would rock the game before it began to stabilize and recognizably take shape as the industry standard it is today with version 5.84c.  I've been here for a while, is what I'm saying.  If there are kids on my lawn, I'm going to ask them to get the fuck off it.  That's sort of where I sit in this community, which is why I feel compelled to speak after I watch a movie like Free To Play, or play a game like Dawngate.

Let's unpack these things one by one.

Free To Play is a documentary film produced by Valve Software following three prominent DotA 2 tournament attendees during the 2011 DotA 2 International Tournament, which featured an impressive $1.6 million purse.  It takes three laudably human stories about professional video game players and sets it against a high-stakes back-drop while peppering it with enough information to help anyone's mom who's watching sort out just what's going on during the film.  It exists in a bit of a strange place, since Valve, the film's producer and distributor, is also the producer and publisher of DotA 2.  While it would be unfair to dismiss the entire film as a blatant ad-campaign aimed at injecting enthusiasm for e-sports into a North American market, it's undeniable that the film, with broadly constructed sympathetic portraits of a handful of gaming underdogs and a lean running time of 73 minutes, feels a bit odd, as if it was made by people who found the humanity of Indie Game Movie compelling and wanted to capture the enthusiasm a community expresses for a game along with that sly human aspect of the video game world.  The end result is a film that constructs itself around a MOBA genre of one: League of Legends is a footnote in Free To Play's world, the original DotA present only in the memories of older players.   Heroes of Newerth might as well not exist (though to be fair, HoN might as well not exist in the minds of most MOBA players outside of the film's scope).  While there's tangential attention played to Starcraft 2, much of the film is given over to puzzling explanations from "experts," including coaches for teams that aren't featured in the film, professional game commentators who explode with enthusiasm at the most basic of maneuvers, and, for some fucking reason, Jeremy Lin, who I had genuinely forgotten about.

The end result is a film about MOBAs that constructs a world where the history of the genre begins and ends with DotA 2.  That's an exaggeration, but it's what I've come away from the film feeling: that this phenomena called DotA 2 has been sweeping Asia, nearly approaching Starcraft-like levels of attention, and that America really only has one good player in it, fighting to keep the good old US of A in the running.  There's little sense of the history of the game, of its queer, plodding, dramatic rise to power, and really, why should there be?  Valve has a vested interest in spending as little time as possible telling that story, the one of a massive collaborative process which left possibly the most monstrous original developer from the original Warcraft 3 mod in the most successful position of all his preceding co-developers.  Valve has invested a great deal in young Icefrog, lead developer of DotA 2, whose noteworthy qualities include a strong dedication to his own anonymity, a penchant for peppering interviews with non-information and pseudo-philosophical bullshit in place of answers, and an absolute abhorrence for community feedback (Icefrog famously refused to include a  "concession vote" in DotA 2, marking it as the only MOBA to develop post DotA without a mechanic for verifying that the bulk of a team no longer wishes to play).  The actual story of DotA, of a series of baton-passes as developers move on to different, often directly competing projects, is ugly and dicey, and Valve's film is clean and breezy.  It's so clean that it's one of the rare documentaries that manages to cast a clear villain, and construe them as wholly unsympathetic without a hitch - just try to watch the eHome players boast without wanting to punch them right in their pimply little self-serious faces.  I dare you.

In the end, it's a narrow portrayal of a game with one of the more arrogant and vitriolic communities on the internet, a light attempt to drum up interest in a topic that, frankly, most people who have access to the film are already plenty interested in - using Steam as  distribution model means the people who have ready access to Free to Play also have ready access to the product Free to Play features so prominently, and will often already be quite familiar with it.  And while the film has some nice turns and plenty of redeeming moments, and while it's nice to see human portrayals of video game players that have the potential to infiltrate mainstream culture, it's frustrating to see a game with such a complicated context portrayed as if it was the next Starcraft instead of what it is: a serious competitor in a hotly contested developing genre.

Abandoning the rich history of the MOBA genre while attempting to generate a narrative wherein your not-so-singular game is one of the most singular e-sporting games in the world feels a bit dirty pool, and it taps into the rich tradition of ignoring history that DotA 2's design team has so effectively muted with attention paid to flashy visuals and a commanding market share; DotA 2 is the only MOBA available to play on Steam, and takes advantage of Steam's commanding audience reach and matchmaking prowess, two things that have made games successes in the recent past.  Free to Play also endeavors to minimize the accomplishments of other MOBAs, citing old data for League of Legends' tournament payouts, which have since eclipsed the DotA 2 invitational's payoff by around $400,000, and ignoring LoL's status as a visa-worthy competitive activity in the eyes of the American government, even as it laments DotA 2's lack of such recognition.

Dawngate, EA's entry into the MOBA genre, stands firmly on the other side of the discussion.  It's emerging from EA's new subsidiary, Waystone Games, which has a bit of a confusing pedigree to it: some sources link Waystone to Bioware, one of EA's most prominent and profitable recent acquisitions, while others refer to it as a wholly new studio - games journalism being what it is, it's difficult to unpack without credentials of my own, and there seems to be little interest in investigating the history of the game itself, though there's an ample share of enthusiasm for the project itself.  And rightly so: Dawngate isn't just a MOBA, it's a MOBA devoted to learning from the mistakes of other MOBAs.  Where DotA 2 is simply a re-creation of a successful free-to-play title, Dawngate appears to be the product of an evolutionary process in the genre itself.  Abstract notions, like "leveling role," the idea of how a player plans to build up their hero's strength, are made concrete in Dawngate.  Items, an infamously complex and circuitous element in most MOBAs, are simplified and categorized into categories.  Things like hero selection and meta-layer progress, which became absurdly complex and attention devouring in LoL and wholly cosmetic in HoN, blossomed into an evolving framework that turned on a strong base-structure that permitted players to ignore a "runestone" like system without destroying their capacity to compete in the game, or participate in it without making the experience any less worthwhile.

EA's multiplayer offerings have been pretty compelling of late.  Battlefield 4 and Titanfall are both spectacular games, all the more noteworthy for being multiplayer affairs first and foremost.  But the MOBA genre, and the manner in which developer pedigree has shaped it, make EA's success a little surprising, product of such a raw, unattributed process as it is.

Perhaps they're so good at determining how to tweak the systems behind MOBAs because they're relatively disconnected from the history of the genre - Riot Games hired Steve "Guinsoo" Feak, the individual responsible for DotA's initial rise to popularity, to run development on League of Legends, and the elusive Icefrog purportedly spent some time working with Heroes of Newerth developer S2 before definitely moving on to Valve.  Unlike these titles, Dawngate represents an unalloyed look at the systems that compose a MOBA, the weird, hostile frameworks that new players are asked to learn.  It represents a recognition of the compelling things about these systems, and their complexities, as well as the horrifying depth they present to inexperienced players.  No one wants to memorize a spreadsheet in order to succeed at a game; the trick is that MOBAs, as a genre, eventually make you do so anyway, and make you like it.  Dawngate makes this spreadsheet digestible.  It takes elements from RTSes as a genre, things like workers, notions of map and territory control, and tower mechanics that discourage unchecked aggression, and it loops them into a framework that feels enough like DotA to be familiar, but also feels enough like its own creation to be new and refreshing.

And it does all of this with a real sense of history to it, despite a total lack of DotA like heroes.  I couldn't tell you who is who from DotA in Dawngate.  In fact, most of the heroes simply don't have mana pools, so comparisons to DotA heroes are largely irrelevant, and the ones that do have mana pools have particular play mechanics associated with the regeneration of mana that thoroughly divorce their spellcasting abilities from the flow-mechanics of DotA's mana based play.  Instead, there's just frenetic action, casting, give and take.  The momentum is still there, but the mechanics behind it, the manner in which the inertia builds, that's what's new, and the way it builds, the way it structures and restructures itself, is captivating in its apparent availability.

The relationship between Free to Play, as a film, and Dawngate, as a game, is perhaps a bit tenuous on its surface, but this notion of history, or historiography, as a means of approach game design, and its evolution as an art form, is more apparent.  In ignoring the history and context of its subject matter, Free to Play managed to make a movie that feels like an advertisement (though, to its credit, a very well crafted advertisement that tells a life affirming story about a relatively unknown competitive sport)  Dawngate, on the other hand, makes its consideration of the history of genre readily apparent and, in doing so, has created a fearsome new creation, one that recognizes what makes MOBAs great as well as what makes them awful.  While its victory over the latter is far from complete, there's something wonderfully compelling about the manner in which Dawngate attempts to capitalize on the joy of playing a MOBA while minimizing the frustration which has, until recently, simply come with the territory of the genre.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Congratulations Gay Hessian!



If we'd told you about what's going to happen to you today a week ago, you wouldn't have listened to us, because you'd still be trapped in that orb of amber, barely alive, waiting to wake up in a world gone mad.  But now you're awake, you're angry at how happy gay people are, and what's more, you're not going to take it anymore.  That is, until later today.

See, today you're going to be at one of those "Tea Party Rallies" that have become so popular with people who fuck horses, and racists.  You're going to spend most of the rally shouting things in arcane German, and eliciting strange looks from the puzzled elderly people who are marching with you.  You'll be shouting your slogans for nearly two hours alone before someone finally joins you.

He won't be handsome, not by traditional standards at least, but something about him will strike you.  The line of his jaw, perhaps, or the twinkle in his eyes as he screams for Obama to "go back to Africkerrr" in flawless colloquial German.

During a lull in the protest, you'll strike up a conversation with him.  He'll respond to you in flawless low German, exclaiming that he read about you waking up on Monday in The Post, but that he didn't think it was actually true.  The two of you will bond.  Turns out he'll be a young man who spent his entire life in Mississippi and, after relocating to New York for a new job, was infuriated by the number of rights black people had.  Hell-bent on correcting what he saw as a travesty of justice, he started "doing as his pappy taught him" up here in New York, protesting non-violently and spewing hate speech in German or, as he'll refer to it, "the one true tongue of the white race."

You'll learn a lot from him over the next few hours, including what happened during World War II, what the deal with Jews is, the way that Mexicans are stealing American children, and a few other things that also didn't make a whole lot of sense.  After a while, you won't even listen to his weird hate speech anymore; you'll just lose yourself in his eyes, the sheen of his dull brown eyes.  Later tonight, you'll follow him back to his apartment, where he'll show you his Nazi memorabilia piece by piece.  While handing you a trench knife, your hands will meet, one thing will lead to another and before long you'll be holding one another, weeping softly at the joy you've found.

In like two weeks the two of you will lose your fucking minds and try to kill one another, but tonight, and for the next thirteen, you'll know what peace is in this strange young man's pale, pale arms.

Congratulations Gay Hessian!

Friday, March 28, 2014

Congratulations Stem Cell Research Beneficiary!



Stem cell research is a fucking miracle of modern science, even if its mascot is a horrifying embodiment of medical waste.  In the debate on stem cell research, we all too often overlook the people whose lives are saved by these new medical techniques.  You're one of those people who has benefited so tremendously from medical advance, and so today, we'd like to highlight what's going on in your life.

Your knee will feel like it's going to break as it slams into the hood of the car, but the bone and cartilege will hold.  It'll hurt, though.  A lot, and rightly so: you'll just have leapt from a third story window on to the hood of a late 90s Japanese sedan of indeterminate make.  You'll need a second to gather yourself before you roll out of the indent you left in the car hood, grab the duffel bag full of money you throw off of the now-crushed cab of the car and start limping down the street.  After you get your rhythm going, you'll slide the magazine out of your pistol to check your ammunition.  Eight rounds will be left.

You'll have fired five so far.  Two of them went into the branch manager's knees, one of them went into the chest of a security guard, and two of them are wedged somewhere in the ceiling of the bank offices.  Given the volume of the sirens converging on the other side of the building, eight probably won't be enough to deal with the police coming your way.  It might be enough to buy you a little time, if you spend it right, but it won't be enough to get you away.  So as you limp you'll keep your eyes open, looking for some new way out, something you overlooked before.  You'll be halfway down the alley, on your way to main street when it comes to you: a sewer grate with a prybar next to it.

You'll have to drop the bag for a second to get the grate open, but your legs and spine, ruined less than a year earlier, now strong, fearsomely strong, will hold true.  The steel will rise easily, and the bag.  The bag will tumble down the sewer entrance and you'll follow it, bandanna tied around your face, grate closing behind you as you descend.

Inside the sewer, the stench will be overwhelming.  Your eyes will water at first, but you'll think about those medical bills, about your wife, waiting for you at home, about the agony she endured during the decade when you couldn't move, the agony you endured, the agony your family endured.

Your new legs will surge beneath you and the money, even though it'll have some extra water weight on it from its time in the sewer water, will feel lighter somehow.  You'll feel like your legs are already healing from your fall, like they've made you some sort of superhuman creature.  As you walk in what you hope is the direction of your house, you'll mutter to yourself.

"God bless stem cell research.  And damn the expense."

You'll give the bag of money a pat for good measure.

Congratulations Stem Cell Research Beneficiary!

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Congratulations Filibuster Phil!



As a senator standing up and screaming is part and parcel of what you do.  Some people call it being a dickhead, some people call it politics as usual, you call it making a living.  And, to quote Dolly Parton, what a way to make a living, at that!

Some people are just better at screaming than others, though.  You, you're one of, if not simply just, the best.  You're one of the few true blue senators who can not only scream really loud, but can also stand up while doing so and, what's more, you can do so for an extended period of time.  You're one of the last remaining filibusterers.

Today is going to be a particularly auspicious day for you.  Senator Wuzzizface from that state we usually don't care about that actually has a lot of money, thanks to a handful of prudent investors and businesses people tend not to think about (we think it might be Washington) will come into your office, pork-pie hat literally in hand, and ask you to filibuster for him.

"We need to make sure this bill doesn't pass," he'll explain.

You'll smile and tap your knuckles against your desk sharply, then stand up and look to an empty part of the room.

"Watch this," you'll announce to no one in particular.

"I'll help you filibuster, but you'll have to pay my filibuster fee," you'll tell Senator Wuzzizface.

"I assumed as much," he'll say, baffled by your behavior, but happy that you'll have agreed to help him, since you'll technically be going against your own party to do so.  After he speaks you'll turn to the empty part of the room again and wink.

"Just like I always wanted," you'll say in a perfectly normal voice that Senator Wuzzizface has no trouble whatsoever hearing.

A week later, you'll stand up and shout at the senate a bunch until they go on senate vacation, which is like, most of the year.  Two weeks after that, you'll be committed to a mental institution for addressing an invisible camera that doesn't exist and never has.  You'll die in there from complications related to siphilus, which you should've had treated years ago, but never thought to, since, as a filibustering senator, you thought you could just talk it to death.

You'll say that to your imaginary camera just before you die; it'll be okay, but the staff at the hospital won't be impressed.  They'll have seen it all before.

Congratulations Filibuster Phil!