Congratulations Aging Racist!

People get old, and racists get older faster than anyone else.  There ain't much to do about it, except hate harder so you can get more in faster, and today you're gonna prove that by showing up to a wedding you weren't invited to where two dudes from different races are getting married and start shouting at them.

You'll start off broad.

"It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!" you'll scream.

They'll ignore you.

"What yer dooin' is a sin in tha eyes of Jesus and all his little baby angels!" you'll follow up.

They'll laugh at the thought of baby angels partying with Jesus, which will make you angry.  You'll start to rethink your whole strategy.  Gay people are used to being verbally abused in public, so used to it that they're innoculated against it.  The average gay man has been chased down a public street by an angry old person with a belt dozens of times in their life; you should know, you've done the chasing often as you can.

But it's never worked, not once.  So you'll think back to the research that you did last night, watching Bravo, reading comments on message boards for reality television, and you'll put yourself in the mindset of a gay man: imagining a long line of dicks arrayed in front of you, each oozing semen.  You'll be so filled with anger that you'll get a rage boner, but you'll know what to do to break up this abomination wedding once and for all.  You'll gather air into your lungs and shout, in your loudest and oldest voice:

"I fucked your boyfriend!"

The grooms will slap each other almost instantly, simultaneously shouting "how could you!" before turning away from one another and walking away from the altar, back to their respective dressing rooms.  You'll sit there, smiling, patting your belly, feeling pretty good about yourself, and about watching all that Bravo. 

What you won't realize is that drama, while a staple of the gay community's cultural diet, is actually something that draws them closer together over time.  Those two men, when they do get married in about a month, will be inseparable.  They'll die holding hands in twenty years, when Xenu finally returns and wreathes the Earth in fire.

If you knew this, you'd be filled with rage.  But all you'll see is the chaos unfolding in front of you, the shattered wedding plans they sunk so much time and effort into.  That'll make you feel pretty good about yourself for the time being.

Congratulations Aging Racist!