“All the whiskey?” the foreman of the Jameson factory in Corcaigh, Ireland will ask the tour guide while paramedics pound your chest, trying to convince your lungs to breathe, your heart to beat. “How is that even possible?”
The tour guide will shrug.
“I turned around just a moment and he was just taking to it like a fish to water. Didn’t even have time to notice that it had happened. Just heard a crash and suddenly all of the barrels were gone.
You won’t be capable of communication, so you won’t be able to explain how you’re a traveler from a future without whiskey who came back and, through the use of a time dilation device, drank literally all of the whiskey in a small, concentrated space to both enjoy the treasures of a former age and to remind the world of how important whiskey is by removing a lot of it from their lives so that they’ll never let it languish or let its production lapse.
“Well,” the paramedic will shrug at the foreman and the tour guide. “He’s dead, that’s for certain.”
You’ll lay there unconscious, your brain dying rapidly. If this were a movie you’d have a smile on your face, but this isn’t a movie. So you’ll be covered in vomit and your face will be contorted in pain, an image to be preserved forever, reminding mankind of the dangers of excessive drinking.
Congratulations on Drinking All the Whiskey!
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