We were going to write a congratulations about world peace, about it coming to the earth in the form of a massive, collective orgasm and providing every single person on the planet with a moment of wondrous clarity that would’ve given them the insight they needed to solve their petty troubles and get their lives back on track.
But instead of that happening all of that magic orgasm energy that was going to disseminate to the human race and certain species of monkeys through cosmic rays is going to go into sandwich. A sandwich you’re going to make.
We cannot go into the composition of this sandwich, nor can we detail the time or place of its creation. It could happen at your job as a barrista, where you normally make subpar sandwiches for men who order them in the hope that you’ll graze their hand while handing them the plate. Or it could happen at home, where you make pretty good sandwiches for yourself and your unemployed “painter” boyfriend. It might even happen on the street at an underground sandwich making contest, which is a real thing that we didn’t just make up.
It doesn’t really matter. You’re going to make a sandwich so good that when you bite into it everyone in our office will feel the ripple of its flavor pass through time and space. So while the space orgasm isn’t going to happen we’re all going to go kinda batshit for a while and feel really good about ourselves for a change.
In the end it won’t make any of us better people. It won’t provide us with any great insight to the world or give us any special powers. But it will provide us with a treasured memory of the best damn sandwich ever made by human hand. And it’ll prove to the world that you can accomplish anything at all, which is honestly something we’ve all doubted for a while now.
Congratulations! This Sandwich is Amazing!
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