Today you’re going to take a break from chilling out with your buddy Gandalf, getting high and listening to Plumtree records while you trade stories about what you think the ladies from Plumtree would be doing if they didn’t all have kids and PhDs at this point. You’ll be rocking a sweet groove when Gandalf gets a call on his cell from his bitch ass friend Frodo, who’s trying to get to some mountain or some shit somewhere far away while coping with an allegory for opium addiction.
Gandalf will be pretty agitated, and by the end of the call it’ll be clear that he needs help getting his bitch ass hobbit friend to calm the fuck down. He’ll give you this desperate look and you’ll sigh and shrug (which will look badass because you’re a giant eagle) and get out of your bean bag chair to stretch your wings. Looking at the majesty of your extended wings he’ll choke on his Fuze drink-style-beverage and mutter into his phone.
“Frodes, I got an idea,” he’ll say, snapping the phone closed on his thigh. Then he’ll twirl his finger in the air, as if to signify “Time to leave.” You’ll snap to, looking all badass and eagley, and get a running start before you take off into the air.
Twenty minutes later you’ll have two whiney ass hobbits on your back with some weird piece of jewelry they need to return to Mount Doom. Or Dhoom. You’re not entirely clear on that bit. But what you will be clear on is that the jewelry needs to be returned or someone’s going to seriously lose their shit. So you’ll drop them on the slopes of the mountain and head back to your apartment to try and catch the second half of Ladybugs on USA, forever etched in the minds of the people of Middle Earth as a hero.
Congratulations Giant Eagle!
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