You’re a man with the ass of a woman, which means you’re nickname is, you guessed it, Bitch Ass Motherfucker. It wouldn’t be quite so astute but most of the women you end up fucking have either had kids or adopted them, so they’re all more or less mothers in one way or another. You can’t help yourself, you’re just drawn to the energy they put out. It’s like they’re replacing the mom you never really got to know.
But even though you always seem to be falling in and out of love with the wrong ladies, most of whom have jobs or at the very least child support payments to keep them afloat, you’re never particularly financially solvent at any given moment. Since they’ve got kids already none of them are terribly psyched to take care of you too. But all of this is going to change when you meet an aspiring young porn producer who likes your somewhat androgynous look and immediately detects your charm.
He’ll sit you down at a coffee shop, tempting you with promises of that sandwich you so desperately need, and lay out his plan.
“I tape you in malls,” he’ll start. “With me so far?”
You’ll nod.
“Picking up moms. Good?”
Another nod will follow.
“Then I tape you taking them to a motel room and fucking the living shit out of them.”
You’ll bite your lip. “So basically doing what I do now?”
He’ll nod this time.
“But on film?”
He’ll nod again.
“SOLD!” you’ll stand up and shout, knocking your coffee on to a nearby mother who will be immediately and inexplicably attracted to you. The producer will pull out his video camera and film the whole thing as it goes down, creating the first in what will be a long list of titles that will fulfill all your financial needs for years to come, but bring you no closer to what you truly need: a woman who can fill that void left by your runaway mom in your heart.
Congratulations Bitch Ass Motherfucker!
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