Congratulations on Eluding the System of National Surveillance!

America is like a machine for robbing people of their personality, their personality identity, their oneness, their individualism, maaaaan.  It's like a horrorshow here, a travesty of individualism.  The only way to be a person is to go off the grid.

But you can't go off the grid in America.  No, no.  You're gonna have to go farther, way farther, if you want to actually escape the tender tendrils of Uncle Sam and his fleet of drones, cycling overhead, always watching, always ready to pass judgment.  Going off the grid in the US just means going to a community made up of mobile homes where people go by fake names and wash their clothes in kiddie pools while the government only occasionally looks in on their goings on to make sure no one's brewing a revolution.  You're better than that.

You're going to Armenia.

Armenia, the ex-Soviet state that could, is gripped by such endemic corruption and poverty that not even the simplest of surveillance programs could be instituted; people have trouble finding water to drink, forget information sharing networks and monitoring device cataloging.  Armenia is a shithole, unable to even police itself sufficiently.  It'll be the perfect place for you to settle in.

So, starting this afternoon, enjoy your new life in Armenia!  It'll begin with you departing from the plane and immediately being beaten with traditional Armenian sticks, called tonskars.  After a good long beating, you'll feel pretty awful, which will mean it's time for kaftaaber, traditional Armenian meatballs, purchased with the money that the muggers threw at you after they stripped you of the majority of your currency, as a sort of friendly "welcome to Armenia" allowance.

Unfortunately, the kaftaaber will be made with local water, improperly sourced, filtered, and stored, and you'll get really, really sick.  You'll end up confined to a Soviet era hospital, where they'll try to keep you alive just long enough for your organs to be harvested.  In the end, you'll shit yourself to death just hours before your scheduled organ harvesting, which will, in turn, keep your organs out of the hands of greedy black market organ salespeople who would've ended up selling your organs and sending them back to America, where they would've no doubt been subject to surveillance once again.  You'll smile as you die, knowing that your organs will remain free, in blessed, horrible Armenia.

Congratulations on Eluding the System of National Surveillance!