Congratulations Online Bank Robber!

The sweat will drip down your brow as you sit and type and type and type and type.  Your partner, a young man in wraparound sunglasses, will stand by your side, looking over your shoulder.

"This is taking too long, bro!" he'll shout, drawing a frightened look from his mother, who will be sitting a few feet away, on the couch, watching her stories.

"Calm down," you'll tell him, blinking some droplets of sweat out of your eyes.

"Calm down!  Fuckin' calm down!  Do I not seem fucking calm right now?" he'll scream in your ear.

"No," you'll inform him.  "No you do not."

"Oh!" he'll shout before trouncing back to the living room to sit and watch television with his mother.

With your partner gone, you'll be able to code without distraction, slicing through layers of security, into feedback loops and bitcoin drops.  You'll crack through the XM server dynamic frame, and then, in a rush, you'll make the goalposts with your hands.

"Got it!" you'll shout, drawing your partner and his mother into the room.  They'll both stare at the monitor, where a pile of code written in a hex compiler will be displayed.  Your partner will nod as if he knows what he's looking at, but he won't.  His mother will pat you on the head.

"Nice work, honey," she'll murmur.  "I'm sure it's very nice."  After you prattle on for a few seconds about how this code, now uploaded through a return stream ingress into the backchannel portal codevox will deconstruct the reversal security bonds into a multistream fluxus node through the downpuddle widthdrip to compound the interest, your friend's eyes will begin to glaze over, and even his mother will grow bored, though her hand will, at some point, begin to rest on your shoulder.  When you pause to take a breath, she'll interject.

"Garret, dear.  Go get some milk."

Her son will pale and shout "No names!" before grabbing his coat and running out the door.

Once he's gone your friend's mom will run her hand through your hair before dropping her teeth to your ear.  She'll breath into it: "I find accomplished young men so engaging.  Can you get off the computer for a bit now?"

You'll nod at her dumbly, at which point she'll grab you by the shirt and lead you through the apartment she shares with her adult son, the apartment you'll have been sleeping on the couch of for several weeks now (which is why her son is your partner) and into her bedroom.  As you enter you'll notice the curtains are already drawn, casting the room in darkness despite the early hour.  As your friend's mother enters the room behind you you'll ask, almost by reflex:

"You a fed?"

You'll feel more than see her smile in the dimness.

"No, honey," she'll whisper as her fingers dance down your chest to your belt.  As she moves you'll wonder, for a moment, what Garret will think when he gets home, if you fucking his mom will complicate your partnership, if this means you'll no longer have to sleep on that lumpy couch, but as she continues these thoughts will vanish into the blackout-shade darkness.

Congratulations Online Bank Robber!