Congratulations Fish Man!

Rising from the depths today to step into the world of the waking, your gutteral cries will echo the name of your lord, Dagon, the Sleeper of the Lidless eye, forever pinned below the waves, resting, waiting for the rise of a new era, the arrival of a new color which, when witnessed, will shatter the feeble world.  But that day is far off; today, you're just looking to buy a pair of shoes.  You've got big old webbed feet, which makes the whole affair pretty problematic, and you don't speak English, which is actually less of a bar to success than you'd think.

You'll start by going to Footlocker, where you'll stand patiently, waiting to be helped for nearly an hour and a half.  When someone finally does approach you and speak to you, it'll be about how you're dripping water and slime all over the store, and not what about kind of shoes you want.  You'll respond in the traditional manner of fish people, by making terrible sounds and clawing at the clerk's face.

After killing four of the seven employees of Footlocker, and threatening (though a series of gestures and pantomimes) to carry off the remaining two female employees, an older gentleman from Kazakstan will help you.  The two of you will communicate mostly by pointing and moving your heads.  You'll also use a bunch of grunts.  It won't be too different from how he usually communicates, but you, unlike most of his customers, won't make stupid references to the Borat movie, or racist references to 9-11.

After destroying nine or ten pairs of high-tops, the Kazakstani man will finally get you set up with a sweet pair of kicks that your talons just barely protrude from.  You'll pay him in pirate gold and head back to Red Hook, where you'll slink into the sea to see about waking Dagon, so that you can show off your new kicks to the person who was, until today, the only person in the world who understood you at all.  So when you think about it, you really got more than just a pair of shoes today.  You also found a terrified soulmate that you could relate to during a hostage situation you instigated.

Congratulations Fish Man!