As you don your roo-helm and pick up your sword and shield,
the wallaby maiden nearby will make a mewling sound at you. This mewling sound will, of course, be a call
back to bed, to have some weird, somewhat complicated sex with her (tails
getting in the way and all that). You'll
make a brief barking noise in response and then begin hopping away, leaving her
there with a disappointed look on her dumb face. At least, we think it'll be
disappointed. We're not super good at
reading wallaby facial expressions.
You'll hop away, none the less, and up mountainsides, across
rivers, down hills, and into the realm of darkness and magic that all
Australians know about, that most of them avoid like the plague. It's right in the middle of the continent, in
the center of that hellish shitpiece of a desert, and once you pass through the
barrier and into this realm, you'll immediately be beset by a dragon.
As a wallaby, a "dragon" for you is actually,
quite literally a komodo dragon, covered in armor, spitting curses at you in
komodo dragon language. It'll sound like
a series of protracted hisses, and it'll be super incensing, so you'll pull out
your little sword and hammer it on the side of your little shield and commerce
murdering a komodo dragon.
Stab stab stab, hop hop hop, the battle will unfold. It'll be like a very very gory version of
Redwall, which is already quite gory to start with, and when all's said and
done and the blood of the dragon pools at your feet you'll lick the edge of
your blade before sheathing it. After
that, you'll begin skinning the dragon, taking care to remove its head as a
trophy. Once the skin is off, you'll
roll it up and pack it into your pouch, then continue hopping, looking for a
shop where you can turn it into armor that, in turn, will let you fight bigger,
stronger, more dragon-like dragons.
The trophy head, you'll just sell for money - that is the
way of things, in the magical realm hidden deep inside the wilds of the
outback.
Congratulations Wallaby Protagonist!
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