Congratulations Street Vendor!

You’ve been selling fruit in Quincy Market for almost a decade now, and while it isn’t the worst job, it’s hardly the most interesting.  Sometimes, people try to steal fruit and you have to grab them or yell at them, but you never try to chase them down – it’s just not worth it.  Occasionally, you get something new and interesting and you get to explain how to prepare it to your customers, like the time you got durians in and gave out samples along with a little mini-class on how to open them.

But mostly it’s just standing next to a wooden cart and telling people how much things cost.  It’s dull, but it pays the bills and keeps you outdoors, which is really all you ever wanted out of a job.  All the same, you wake up occasionally and wonder what it would be like to have a little more adventure in your day.

Well, wonder no more.  Because today, during a routine instance of selling some pears to an elderly Italian woman, a criminal on a motor-bike will crash headfirst into your fruit stand, sending the melons, the apples and the lighter pineapples flying into the middle of the market.  Fruit meat will splatter in every direction, soaking a handful of onlookers and drawing attention from shoppers who usually think of fruit as “a sucker’s game.”

The young man will get up from the pavement and, without apologizing, begin running down the street.  A police officer will rush on to the scene from the direction the young man emerged from and ask:

“Whurrdedhego?”

You’ll point and shout:

“Attaway!”

Then officer will nod and run off, mumbling something into his radio before he leaves the scene.  The beating of your own heart in your eardrums won’t fade until he’s been gone for around fifteen minutes.  The rush of adrenaline will take even longer to fade.  You’ll stand by your shop, cleaning up what you can, until another police officer stops by to assess the collateral damage caused by the chase.  You’ll give him a succinct, honest estimate and he’ll take it down, thanking you before he speaks to other vendors about the events of the day.  A few weeks from now, a TV news crew will interview you as a “local hero” who directed police during a key juncture in an investigation into drug smuggling.  This interview will mark the peak of your fame during your lifetime.  Try not to think about how depressing that is, or about the fact that you never expected to earn even this low degree of recognition after you ruined your rotator cuff in high school destroying your shot at going pro long before it ever began.

Congratulations Street Vendor!