Congratulations Modern Day Prospector!

People think that toothless prospectors are a thing of the past, and thanks to improvements in dental care and technology over the last century, they’re half right.  But prospectors are still very much alive.

You don’t wear union suits and wide brimmed hats anymore, sure, but you’re still kickin’ about, prospecting for whatever you can wherever you can.

You, for example, will be prospecting for gold at the bottom of the ocean today.  The gold in question will be way, way down there, down in the deepest part of the ocean, the secret part where characters from Marvel Comics live, deep below the Mariana Trench.  You’ll be in a small submersible, similar to the one non-prospecting city boy James Cameron constructed, but notably folksier and more rugged.  No cupholders in your submersible, no sirree.

When you reach the bottom you’ll be struck by how profound the darkness around you is.  Perfectly inky black, bereft of light, it will be, in many ways, the most beautifully terrifying place you’ve ever been.  It will seem to be soundless for a few moments, but then the hum of your submersible’s lights will destroy the tangible soundlessness and you’ll see a part of the world that no other human has ever laid eyes on (and that Namor only passed through once).

The light will catch glints of something right away.  You’ll squint at the glint and then use your submersible’s robotic arms to sweep the ground and collect a sample.  Once the sample is closer to your viewport you’ll see, sure as spit, that you’ve struck gold.

In traditional prospector form you’ll let out a loud whoop and shout:

“WHOOOOPIE!  GOLD!”

Your voice will seem to dissipate into the water, sucked into the inky black, and after a few cacophonous seconds you’ll be left stewing in the sound of your own boiling blood and breath as you begin to consider just how you’ll be able to get this gold up from the bottom of the ocean.

You’ll get about halfway to a solution when you see the squid emerge from the darkness.  Massive and slightly iridescent, the squid will ignite the world of the ocean floor as it comes into your light, bringing with it hordes of glowing fish and seahorses.  The squid will look not look amused.

Its arms will wrap around your submersible immediately and its eye will scoot towards your viewport with a calculating coldness that tells you you’re not the first submersible this squid has encountered.  You’ll have a few seconds to sit and ponder just what this squid wants before your feel, rather than hear, its tentacles surrounding the submersible, embracing it, squeezing it, squeezing you out of it.  The pressure will begin to set in right away as the squid, nearly four times the length of your ramshackle submarine, works to get into the delicious meat inside the shell of its newfound prey.

You won’t have the time or the wherewithal to scream.  You won’t even really feel the water rushing in, though it will.  The shift in pressure will rupture your eardrums and cause you to lose consciousness after a brief moment of pain, sparing you the truly horrific death that the squid will bring in the seconds that follow your discovery of precious, precious gold.

Congratulations Modern Day Prospector!