Congratulations on Winning at That Stupid Game!

Today at 5:45 AM you’re going to let loose a violent roar as you drop the blood covered rock you used to crush the skull of Shauna Tinkleton, the young woman you found yourself pitted against in the final round of Senior Assassination.

What began as an innocent high school game will have rapidly devolved into a violent bloodbath, one you felt totally at home in. And when you reached the semi-finals and found yourself pitted against a photogenic young honor’s student with her whole life ahead of her and no mistakes behind her you knew it was your game to win.

We’ll be honest with you. After this it’s all going to be downhill. Tomorrow you’ll be charged with Shauna’s murder and you’ll spend the rest of your life in a maximum security prison. You’ll be raped ceaselessly for several months until one day you snap and shank the biggest, toughest guy in the entire joint in the kidney then cut his head off and fuck his disembodied mouth in front of all the hacks in gen pop. When the guards take you to solitary the next day you’ll have tied his severed head to the bars by his hair, and even though you’ll spend the next three months in a windowless room eating bread and water when you get out you’ll have a newfound respect among your fellow inmates which will never materialize into anything more than abject fear.

When you finally turn forty and try to write a book about your life and mistakes it’ll be published under a fake name and sell moderately well, but none of the funds from the sale of the book will reach you or anyone you care about. Instead you’ll be left with clippings of middling reviews and memories of better times smoking weed in various faculty buildings as a youth.

Later that year you’ll be denied parole for the umpteenth time, and it’ll make you pretty sad too. But today you’re going to kill a promising young woman so that you can win at a high school game no one will even remember in a month, effectively ruining dozens of lives with your actions, and that’s something. So Congratulations on Winning at That Stupid Game!