Congratulations on Misquoting Our Founding Fathers!

“I’m pretty sure that they said slavery was an inalienable right,” you’ll say. Or you’ll think you’ll say that, but you’ll actually say.

“Don’t niggers have no rights what a white man oughtn’t be givin’ up I say. Grandpappy told me so.”

The man next to you will understand the gist of what you’re saying.

“I’m relatively certain that what you said is-“ he’ll begin, but Brit Hume will cut him off.

“WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA!”

Later on the clip will air on the Daily Show, and then CNN will pick up the story from there. You’ll foment a new period of divisive political diffidence between two inept news groups, one attempting to perpetrate a story about a liberal media hellbent on destroying “normal Americans” and another based on illustrating how absurd the group perpetrating that first story is in their methods and means while totally ignoring the inherent tragedy that there isn’t a coherent viewpoint that the group should be espousing.

The saddest part is that no one will discuss your shameful racism or your total ignorance of American history, which is really what you wanted people to pay attention to. You think both those things could’ve been corrected if America had stronger public schools, and you entire intolerant, ignorant media image is just one big attempt to show people that if they stopped home schooling people and focused on investing in a solid public infrastructure which promoted knowledge and self-discovery and encouraged tolerance between different people people like you wouldn’t be a problem any more.

But two bands of idiots will simply acquire your own idiocy for their own ends, and that’ll be a tragedy that will never be discovered, which will make it all the more tragic.

Congratulations Misquoting Our Founding Fathers!