Congratulations on Building Your Own Computer!

Building your own computer is easy and fun. You barely even need to be competent to do it, you just need to match components up, so when someone does it we normally make a “jerking off” gesture, roll our eyes and check what’s next on our Tivo. But today we’re going to be legitimately impressed.

See, you’re an out of work automotive robot from Detroit, so when you build your own computer out of a combination of boredom and an attempt to make yourself a wife you’re going to be doing something kind of amazing, something we can all relate to. Everyone here at Sexy Results creates things we want love out of all the time, they’re just characters or illegitimate children. You’re going to take it one step further, and there’s something impressively brave about that.

You’ll have to use pretty low quality components, just due to cost issues, but it’ll be pretty impressive when the whole thing comes together. And when all is said and done you’ll have built a machine that is incapable of thought or emotion (unlike you, an automotive robot built by an especially cruel wizard who imbued you with the capacity for sentient thought) and you’ll find making love to it using its USB slot to be pretty unsatisfying.

But lucky for you there’s a whole big internet of lonely people who want to get fucked by an automotive robot out there, and that wizard made you quite a player. So after an hour and a half of unsuccessful fumbling with your bride to be you’ll get frustrated and start Googling “sex with robots.” You’ll find a staggering array of responses, many of which are pretty offensive, but a handful of which are dating profiles for “robosexuals,” a group of fetishists who fantasize about being violently taken by robots.

Seeing them, you’ll set up an e-Harmony profile and step into the bigger world of closeted fetishist dating.

Congratulations on Building Your Own Computer!