Congratulations on Answering the Age Old Question!

Today, following the receipt of a five hundred thousand dollar grant from the National Science Foundation you’re going to set up an experiment which will answer once and for all the age old question as to whether or not a tree falling in the woods without anyone around will make a sound.

You’ll use a series of recording devices, some shaped charges, seismometers and cameras to confirm that the tree falling actually makes a sound. You’ll make a controlled detonation and then wham, the tree will fall and you’ll have your answer.

Turns out if won’t make a sound at all. It’ll make a small seismic tremor, but no noise. More troubling than that will be the fact that aliens will immediately show up on site to both capture the anti-sound waves that must exist in this unique environment and to have their picture taken with the tree in question.

Then they’ll track you down using your data recording devices (which will be covered in your DNA, which they use CSI style to track everything ever down) and kidnap you briefly, beat the shit out of you and then upload the video to Youtube. They’ll do this to discredit your findings, which could potentially ruin the intergalactic anti-sound trade.

This should be a lesson for you to be more careful when you ask questions. It’s a great way to learn, but doing it outside of school is a great way to get your legs broke.

Congratulations on Answering the Age Old Question!