Congratulations on Not Making That Face During Sex!

You know what we’re talking about.  It’s the face that makes women uniformly reconsider the decision they already weren’t entirely sure about making, the decision you give them every conceivable reason to avoid making that they make all the same, usually so that they have a zany story to share with their friends.

Tonight, after being taken home by a particularly sexy librarian (technically she’s an archivist, but you’re not entirely clear on what the difference between the two is) you’ll finally, for the first time in your life, not try to imitate the way that black guys come in rape themed interracial porn.

By not screaming at the top of your lungs and making a face halfway between taking a giant dump and losing a limb in a factory accident, you’re going to impress upon this woman that sex with you is not the worst thing that a human being could do and, as a result, will receive a positive Yelp review from her.  She’ll describe the sex as “three stars,” lauding the fact that your apartment was “fairly clean with working plumbing” and that you “warned her before ejaculating on her stomach .”

She’ll also celebrate the fact that you backed down from your “talk to me like I’m a werewolf” fantasy after only her third request.

Class moves all around!

Congratulations on Not Making That Face During Sex!