Congratulations on Burying Her Deep Enough This Time!

The blood on the shovel will stain the dirt with each strike.  Deep red, almost black, it will flare on the earth for a half second with each strike before fresh earth, newly disturbed, obscures the color of her blood completely.

It won’t have been your fault.  Your choices were limited.  When your zombified wife rises from the grave, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.  In this case, what you had to do involved beating her with a shovel until her skull looked like a ruined melon and then putting her back in the ground.

You thought you were done with this a week ago, after she turned following a particularly wild night out with some of her ladies.  But no, you were wrong.  Whether it was the voodoo priest she snubbed at the bar or the meteor that she posted a picture of herself pissing on on Instagram, your wife rose from the dead a second time and shambled out of the shallow grave you put her in, clad only in the rags of the clothing that she wore on the day you buried her.

So you took your shovel and knocked her down, slamming it on her face again and again and again.  You wanted to be certain that your wife was dead this time.  If mystical energies are going to pull her back together then fine, whatever.  But you’re going to do your best to make sure it’s harder for her to come back.  The first order of business, which you’re seeing to now, is burying her at least eight feet underground.  You’ll be doing it alone, as is custom for American yard burials, so it’s going to take you most of the rest of the day, but your wife won’t stir during the process, so don’t worry about that.  When you finish you’ll line your yard in bells so that she won’t be able to sneak up on you again.  You’ll also start locking your house in general, a wise idea, given how many zombies are in your neighborhood nowadays.

Congratulations on Burying Her Deep Enough This Time!