Congratulations Spanish Language Television Star!

When you rise from your bed you’ll know something is wrong right away.  Your hand will shoot up to your face and you’ll feel your lip: smooth.

Horror will grip you.  You’ll throw off your sheets and shuffle to your bathroom to get a good look at yourself in the mirror.  Sure enough, your mustache will be gone.

You’ll get in your shower, still wearing your clothes, and turn on the water.  As you stand underneath the water the weight of your clothes will become more and more apparent to your consciousness.  As they grow heavier and heavier, you’ll consider what your trip to the set would be like.

The points.  The laughs.  The conversation with the director.  As the fantasy becomes more and more detailed you’ll begin taking off your clothes without thinking about it.  You’ll step out of the shower, still wet, and walk back to your bedroom leaving wet footprints across the floor.

You’ll reach into the table by the side of your bed and pull out your gun without thinking.  You’ll feel the weight in your hand and know it’s loaded.  The barrel will go in your mouth and you’ll pull the trigger without hesitation.

The world will go dark.

When the paramedics find you, following a call from your neighbor, they’ll feel a sadness when they turn over your body, but it won’t be until they see your face and realize what has transpired that their sadness will turn to horror.

“Where did his mustache go?” they’ll ask one another in Spanish.

There will be no answer to give meaning or reason to this horrible day.

Congratulations Spanish Language Television Star!