Congratulations on Finding Out that Ron Jeremy is MOre Nice than Funny!

Today you’re going to meet Ron Jeremy at your friend Jenny’s party.

“How do you know Ron Jeremy?” you’ll ask her, genuinely expressing her to answer.

“Don’t worry about it,” she’ll respond.

Later you’ll ask Ron Jeremy.

“How do you know Jenny?”

“Don’t worry about it,” he’ll respond.  “If she wanted you to know, she’d tell you.  You asked, right?”

You’ll nod uncomfortably.  Then you’ll let your gaze drift down to his crotch.

“Don’t worry, it happens.”

You’ll look back up to his eyes.  You’ll feel your cheeks flush.

“Sorry.”

He’ll smile.

You’ll spend more than half the barbecue hanging out next to him, drinking with him, asking him questions you thought he didn’t normally hear at parties, questions you thought he might find it interesting to answer.  They won’t be original, but he’ll be so polite, he’ll respond to each and every one with a heartfelt candor few can muster.

“Have you ever been in love?”

“Do you ever regret what you’ve done?”

“You think about having kids ever?”

He’ll answer each and everyone with a circumspect, genuine brand of reason that will be profoundly heartfelt.  You’ll never feel like he’s being dishonest, but he will always feel guarded in some strange way.  Nothing he’ll say will make you laugh, even though his moustache, his slicked back hair and his belly will all make him seem like he should be a comedic figure simply by merit of his body.

When you leave you won’t have a lot to say about him.  But you will spend almost an hour after the party still drunk, Googling new adult films featuring Ron Jeremy to see if any of the girls in the sample pictures look like Jenny at all.

You won’t quite know what to make of it.

Congratulations on Finding Out that Ron Jeremy is More Nice than Funny!