You know what birds? FUCK YOU! You’re flying around, shitting all over everything all the time like you think you’re better than us. You act like you’re all great, but guess what? You’re not! And the only reason we haven’t been showing you that is because we didn’t want to lower ourselves to your level. Okay, we’re done talking to birds. Now we’re addressing you, the witless fucktard who is reading this.
Today you’re going to lower yourself to their level, and we’re going to celebrate you for it. Today, after exiting the dentist’s office to discover that your car is totally caked in bird shit you’re going to climb up a tree adjacent to the dentist’s office, find a bird’s nest in that tree and take a shit in it. At first we’ll have tremendous respect for you and your bravery in finally showing those birds what happens to people who fuck with mankind. Then the way your life normally goes will take over.
You’ll land a nice solid dump right in the nest, coating the bird’s eggs with in an unpleasant mass of human feces, and then you’ll fall out of the tree onto your car, knocking the shit filled nest on top of yourself. You’ll land covered in shit, eggs sticking out of the fecal mixture surrounding you. Birds will fly overhead, cackling at you, swooping in to try and recover their eggs from you. You’ll struggle to get your keys out as they peck you, thoroughly unmanned, but for a furtive moment you’ll have shown those birds who’s boss, and shown us as a race that you aren’t a total fucking waste of space.
Congratulations on Showing Those Birds Who’s Boss!
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