Congratulations on Evading Kim Cattrall!

It’s no secret what Kim Cattrall gets up to when she thinks no one’s watching (which happens to be most of the time). Her habits as a “praying mantis” are well documented by various law enforcement agencies. The only reason she hasn’t been prosecuted is because cops universally love the film Big Trouble In Little China and they’d never do anything to hurt the woman who made that movie the masterpiece that it is.

As a young male model it was almost inevitable that you’d come to her attention sooner or later. But unlike your contemporaries you didn’t know the stories, so when you arrive at her house and see her collection of knives on the wall behind her bed you’ll be a little surprised. Unlike most male models, however, you’re great at practical problem solving, so you’ll hatch a plan straight away to save your skin.

You’ll inform the aging actress that you need to be pursued in order to become aroused. She’ll like the idea a lot until you tell her that you don’t want to be chased while she’s wielding a knife. You want to play hide and seek.

She’ll acquiesce begrudgingly (you’re super hot) and you’ll sneak out of her house and head to the police, where you’ll be dropped off at her home again in order to both satisfy their beloved actress and destroy any potential witnesses to her crimes. The following sex will be fair at best, mostly because of the fear involved, but the dismemberment which follows will be expert.

Congratulations on Evading Kim Cattrall! For a while at least!