Every Star Trek fan dreams of having their fanfic produced
as a television program by Ronald Moore or some other fucking neckbeard
shithead, but only a handful ever get to see it happen. You're one of that handful, and today is
premier of the first episode of the Star Trek series written and produced by
you, based entirely on your fanfic.
You'll begin your day by sitting down with a cup of coffee and reading
through the forums where you originally posted your fanfic, your "digital
heartland" as you call it.
"FUCKING WORST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO TREK" the
first comment will exclaim.
"WORSE THAN SUKKKULA" another person will tout,
comparing your series to the much maligned "Enterprise" series, which
featured Scott Bakula as its lead.
"WHOEVER WROTE THIS SHOULD KILL
THEMSELVES!!!!!!!!!" will, with a record nine exclamation marks, round out
the initial comments.
A fourth commenter will change the tone a little, saying:
"I'm always happy to see new Star Trek shows and series, but it was really
difficult to find an access point in this series. All in all I'm a little disappointed, and I
think no show at all would've been better than this dross, which may convince
viewers and executives that the Star Trek property is no longer a viable
television enterprise."
After you finish that comment you'll throw your coffee,
still hot, into your own face and start weeping uncontrollably. The tears will feel cold on your scalded
skin. They'll remind you that sometimes
pain just paves the way for something good later. Not this time, but, you know, sometimes.
Congratulations Star Trek Fanfic Author!
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