When you show up on the boat, the kids will already be
screaming. At the sight of you some of
them will scream even harder, which will make you wave your hands all
willy-nilly.
"Don't be 'fraid chillun!" you'll shout. "I'm Raincoat Joe!"
This will just make them scream harder.
You'll remove your raincoat to show the kids there's nothing
to be afraid of, but you'll be wearing a flesh colored latex catsuit underneath
it that will make it look like you're nude, and like your genitals have been
removed.
"See?" you'll shout above their screams. "Nothin' to worry about!"
The children will disagree.
Vocally. Violently.
While you try to comfort them, to get them to come into the
rowboat that you brought to their sinking ship to save them, some of the bigger
kids will start to get aggressive. One
of them will somehow get one of your oars out of the oar lock and start
swinging it around. While you try to
fight him off, one of the other kids will somehow get a hold of a brick or a
cooler or something big and thick and heavy and club you on the back of the
head with it.
You'll eventually be knocked unconscious by the pummeling of
a thousand tiny fists.
When you wake up the rowboat will be gone, along with the
boat the children were on in the first place, the boat you tried to rescue them
off of. You'll be floating on your back
in the ocean, your rain coat splayed out on a piece of debris nearby, while
your wetsuit keeps you afloat. As you
drift you'll laugh up at the sky, shouting, "I done saved the
chillun!" over and over again.
When you're found, in two days time, you'll be in rough
shape, but the notion that you saved some terrified kids, paired with some
pretty serious existing mental illness, will prevent you from taking the
experience too hard.
Congratulations Raincoat Joe!
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