Thursday, December 26, 2013

Congratulations Spent Uranium Rod!



This is a bit of an odd one, because today you're sitting in a public dump in New Jersey underneath a massive heap of industrial waste, including several pressure press devices and a few Electroluxes.  You'll be doing what you do, which is most irradiating things in the immediate area around you.  It'll be a pretty normal day for you, as you wait for the fate that all spent uranium rods are promised (to be unified with the one true atom at the center of the universe upon the final day of your radiological decay).

Meanwhile, in a hospital a few thousand miles away, in Branson, Missouri, a man, a very bright, very angry man, will be cursing his fate as he slowly dies of cancer.  This man will have handled you when you were young and he was young and the two of you worked together in a nuclear power plant somewhere in the middle of the country.  This was long before the man began dreaming of fantastic acts of violence committed on a scale heretofore inconceivable, this was long before the man began constructing a series of apparatuses that would permit him to realize this violence.  This was long before that young man became just a man and, in so becoming, was diagnosed with various kith and kin of cancer throughout his body, but your hand in events, all the same, occurred on some day, long ago, when the two of you met in passing at work

Today that angry man is going to die alone in a hospital in Branson, Missouri.  With him will die all his dreams of violence on a massive scale.  With him will die his fantasy of mass extinction carried out with a wave of his hand, of a new world order, lead by reigns clutched in his iron fist, a world order where peace would reign, a peace of death, of misery, of hatred.  This tiny rage filled world of his imagining, this burned out fantasy husk, will come to rest within his mind.  Instead, a blankness will present itself where the thought of this world used to be: that massive, effervescent hate will be gone, erased by your tender radiance.

Nice work, spent uranium rod.  You did alright.  Today, give expelling harmful radiation a rest and just have some quality "you" time with that other industrial waste!

Congratulations Spent Uranium Rod!

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