Today you’re a boil on Dark Angel star Jessica Alba’s butt.
“How did she get a boil on her spotless ass?” the world will
cry out in one moment of collective rage.
“These things happen sometimes,” a single beleaguered doctor
will attempt to inform the vast majority of the human population.
“What can we do?” the world will ask.
The doctor will outline a treatment plan that will largely
involve lancing you and then keeping the resulting wound clean while it heals.
The public will be outraged.
Photographs will be taken of you and posted online, in statement of
solidarity with Jessica Alba. These
photographs will in no way simply be ploys to post pictures of Jessica Alba’s
flawless ass on the internet.
You will, thus examined by public eye before being summarily
lanced, be the most specially treated boil in human history.
See what we did there?
Congratulations Specially Treated Boil!
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