Congratulations on Getting that Girl You Like to Play Dungeons and Dragons with You!

“I’ve never had a session with a girl around before.  I’m pretty excited.”

She’ll smile at you across the front seat of your Dodge Caravan.  You inherited it from your mom when she died and ever since then you’ve been driving it around, usually with your old nerd buddies in the back, never with a girl as pretty as the one who’ll be sitting in the front seat next to you.

“I’m excited too.  I’ve never played.”

She’ll reach over and give your thigh a squeeze.  Your pants will grow tight and your eyes will lock on the road.  You’ll feel your face get red, and the air will shift.  She’ll be smiling, you know she’ll be smiling, but she’ll be nice enough not to laugh.

When you get to your apartment you’ll hurriedly run her through the process of rolling a character.  You’ll do it in record time, only an hour and a half!  She’ll opt to roleplay a barbarian named Ulfgark who uses two handed swords and charge attacks to devastate his enemies.

“You spy a humble orc across the plains,” you’ll inform her.  She’ll nod solemnly.

“Ulfgark shouts his war cry and charges towards the foul creature.”

“Roll to hit,” you’ll inform her.  She’ll nod and drop her d20 on the table.  It’ll land, miracle of miracle, on the 20.

“Amazing first roll,” you’ll murmur in amazement.  “Critical hit.”

She’ll smile and nod.

“What happens next?”

You’ll smile at her and hold up a strap-on dildo.  She’ll smile back and hold her hand for a high five.  When you move to high five her she’ll grab your arm and shift it behind your back.  Then she’ll bend you over the table, filled with D&D sheets and begin fingering your butthole so that she’ll be able to penetrate you easily.

Thirty minutes later she’ll have one hand on your shoulder and another on your ass as she pounds away.  She won’t ask if you’re alright.  She won’t do anything out of character.  And when you climax together, without her even touching you, you’ll speak for the first time during the battle, not in an orcish grunt, as was your fashion, but in your normal voice.

“Best encounter ever.”

Congratulations on Getting that Girl You Like to Play Dungeons and Dragons with You!