Congratulations on Building a Sex Swing for Grandma!

Grandma’s face will light up as the wrapping paper is torn from the box.  She’ll clap her hands and let out an “oooo” that you haven’t heard from her in years.  Then, after a moment’s consideration, she’ll let out a low, mournful “awww.”

“What’s wrong, grandma?” your ma will ask, throwing an arm around grandma’s shoulders.

“All these parts and this assembly.  I couldn’t possibly put this together alone.”

Your dad will advance and put his hand on grandma’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to, mom,” he’ll softly declare.

Then your sister will start up the Christmas music and you’ll all start working together to assemble the sex swing.  Your dad will hold up the frame while you drive the securing bolts in.  Your mom and sister will thread the nylon support tethers through the structural supports arching over the top of the swing.  Then, once the framework is connected, you and your sister will attach the seat to the tethers to the seat itself.

You’ll step back, and when all is done, you’ll have built your grandparent’s sex swing in the middle of the room.  It’ll be a sex swing, alright: solid frame, well secured floor posts, with a little seat right in the middle.  Your grandparents will be overjoyed.  They’ll hug each and everyone one of you.  Then they’ll push past you and topple into the sex swing, your grandmother sliding out of her stretch pants with unexpected alacrity.  Once she’s on her back in the swing, your grandpappy will start going to town on her, setting the sex swing structure to squeaking wildly.

Your family will stand back and watch, laughing and cheersing each other with eggnog as the holiday unfolds.

Merry Christmas from Sexy Results Future Agency.

Congratulations on Building a Sex Swing for Grandma!