Congratulations Cubicle King!

When the power goes out in your office you’ll know exactly what to do. You’ll grab your pipe from under your desk and start waving it in wild circles around your head, shouting “I’M THE KING! I’M THE KING!” all the while. Sometimes you’ll feel it connect and you’ll rotate it in a new direction. You’ll do that for about ten minutes until the lights come back on.

When they do you’ll be surrounded with a circle of co-workers, all of them armed, who have had their skulls caved in by some sort of mysterious, potentially pipe related incident. The rest of your co-workers, the living ones, will be cowering under their desks, staring in horror at the carnage surrounding you. Clearly they hadn’t read the memo.

You’ll smile grimly as you step atop your desk and hold your pipe above you.

“I KNOW EVERYTHING,” you’ll shout at the top of your lungs as one of your co-workers reaches above their desk to grab their phone, desperately punching 9-1-1 and listening for a ring, hoping you’ll have trouble striking their skull with a pipe while you’re beneath the desk.

Congratulations Cubicle King!