When you wake up in the morning sometimes you feel kinda down. Sometimes you don’t want to face the miserable dross that is our daily existence as human beings living in a modern world. Sometimes you just wanna quit, so you get yourself a little pick me up and carry on, thinking about how great your morning treat was.
Examples of acceptable morning treats include cups of coffee or tea, cigarettes, glimpses of rainbows, jerking off when you first wake up, taking a nip of Seagrams to make the commute bearable and tossing your partner’s salad. Examples of unacceptable pick me ups consist of cocaine, or cocaine analogous activities.
So today when you wake up, do us all a favor and don’t do a huge hit of coke. It doesn’t make you as cool as you think it does, it doesn’t make your wife love you more or your kids not hate your sellout, shitbird ass. It doesn’t even make you happy for that long. See a therapist, get some meds for your dick and just stop doing cocaine in the morning. Then we’ll all happily cheer you with cries of “Congratulations Cokeface!”
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