Exiting your Hyundai Elantra, a weight will tumble down from
the sky, striking your wife in the skull.
"NOOOOOO!" you'll cry, dropping to your knees and
grasping her hand, rocking back and forth as you feel the warmth leave her
body.
After a few seconds of you rocking and weeping your children
will leave the car too.
"Daddy, what's-" your daughter will begin to ask,
only to have her life cut short by the skydiver who dropped his weight
earlier. She'll be crushed instantly,
her body so severely impacted that her flesh will merge with the skydivers.
They'll be burned together, and you'll never really be sure that the ashes you
received were entirely hers.
Your son will run over to his sister's side, where he'll try
to pull her body out of the dead skydiver's, to no avail. After a minute or two, he'll be totally
covered in gore, which will attract the attention of circling raptors. They'll descend upon him and rip your boy to
shreds while you watch helplessly, held at bay by the sharp beaks and caws of
their cohort.
Later, after weeping over the tattered bodies of your family
for several hours, you'll try to get in your car and drive to get help, but the
engine won't start. Filled with tears,
you'll call AAA, but the inept receptionist won't be able to interpret your
language through your sobs, so you'll have to call back three times before
someone with social skills figures out what's up and gets your rough location
to dispatch some police and a tow truck to your location.
When the tow truck arrives early, its driver will be coming
off a pretty serious meth binge, so instead of stopping close to your location
and getting you all set up he'll crash into your car at full speed, striking
you in the process, pinning your leg to the vehicle and mangling your limb so
badly that you'll lose it a week later.
He won't be liable for damages, because of your AAA
contract, which explicitly exonerates its drivers from any liability while
they're in a state of meth fueled rage.
Later, more terrible shit will happen. But that's it for today. Have a good one!
Congratulations Tragedy Dad!
