Congratulations Interracial Porn Star!

You’re a porn star and you only sleep with other races.

“It’d just be too weird,” you’ll tell the white guy who is fucking your pussy.

“URRRGH YEAH BRO!” he’ll shout, which will be distracting and really, really weird.

“You know?” you’ll ask the black guy in your asshole.

“WOOOOOAERRRRRGH!” he’ll shout as he comes inside your asshole, prompting the director to call a stand in (the boom mic operator) to enter your asshole in his place.

“Where would we even find another half-Filipina, quarter-Native American, quarter-Swedish porn star?” you’ll ask him.

He won’t say anything, mostly because your asshole will be incredibly tight and also because he’ll also be half-Filipina, quarter-Native American and a quarter Swedish and he knows that if he tells you that you’ll freak out and force him to get out of your butt. He’ll really want to keep fucking your butt until he’s told to come on your face – it’ll be really pleasant and you’ll be quite pretty, and if he doesn’t fuck up he’ll get double pay for the day for being willing to have unprotected sex with a woman he barely knows on film.

Congratulations Interracial Porn Star!

Congratulations on Making Porn Boring!

Today you’re going to release a pornographic film which depicts a close-up shot of a penis in a vagina for forty-five minutes. They’ll both be shaven, totally normal looking human genitals, displayed on camera without context for forty-five minutes. What could’ve been an enchanting or engrossing display of erotic endurance or the hideousness of human sexuality will instead be the single most boring, de-contextualized display of genitals in the history of modern cinema.

Congratulations on Making Porn Boring!