You'll clack your sharpened indigenous curio shiv against
your repurposed-repurposed-driftwood-furniture, crudely fashioned into a shield,
to call the meeting to order.
"We must decide what to do with the remaining
staffers," you'll announce in your most leaderly voice to your followers.
"DEVOUR THEM!" Todd will scream. Todd, a former hedge fund manager turned
perenial thorn in your sign and overenthusiastic cannibal, will really enjoy
eating people. He'll be a heavyset
fellow, even after months living on half rations, thanks to a habit of avoiding
as much of the hard work as possible whenever he can. He'll also be a royal piece of shit.
"Probationary membership for those who wish to join us,
exile for those who do not," Mary will recommend in a flat voice. With her hair dyed red with the blood of her
kills Mary, a former volunteer coordinator at a prison, will be the defacto
second in command for your group of survivors.
Todd will never have been pleased with this arrangement.
"NOT ENOUGH ROOM!" he'll scream, spittle flying
out from his mouth and striking all those in attendance. "MAKE THEM MEAT!"
The group will be silent at this point. The four bungalows you'll have secured as
living space will, indeed, be quite full.
You'll already be uncomfortably familiar with the sounds of one another
farting, fucking, snoring, and masturbating.
But Mary, wise, fair Mary, will have a response.
"The most recent raid cleared out another
compound. We've enough room to spread
out and give any who want to join us a bungalow of their own. If they take up arms against us, we'll still
be able to overpower them, but with their numbers among ours-"
"RITE OF COMBAT!" Todd will interrupt Mary's
speech, challenging her by the rites you agreed upon when you first came
together. She'll let out a long sigh
before she flips the machete she bought at REI in her hand and nods, first at you,
as if to say it'll be okay then at
Todd, to clearly indicate her acceptance of his challenge. The color will drain out of his face; he'll
have expected Mary to prioritize the stability of the settlement over her
agenda, but he'll clearly have underestimated her. As the other surviving vacationers form a
circle in the middle of the Meeting Bungalow he'll lunge forward with a hat
rack that has been carved into a spear towards Mary.
Your heart will leap into your throat as you watch him
approach your mate, but Mary will be unperturbed. She'll barely move to evade Todd's attack,
less dodging it and more flowing around it, up the shaft of the spear in a
brutal twirl that will carry her towards him, machete blade first. In a single blow she'll cleave into the side
of Todd's skull, wedging her blade there, leaving Todd suddenly shivering,
gibbering, drooling. He'll fall to the
ground as Mary moves past him and throws her arms in the air, at which point
you'll strike your sharpened curio against your makeshift shield again.
"Mary's wisdom holds sway," you'll boom at the
assembled survivors, who will in turn grunt their acknowledgment. Mary won't seem to notice as she places her
foot on Todd's skull to keep it steady while she removes her blade from
it. She'll wipe the mix of brain and
dark, almost black blood on to Todd's clothes and them move towards you. At first, you'll think she's going to make a
speech, but instead she'll kiss you on the mouth, a furtive thing, followed by
a brief whispered apology.
"Sorry," she'll murmur. "I know how you worry."
You'll respond by grabbing the back of her head and kissing
her, passionately, as your bungalow tribe cheers on. The staffers, for their part, will stare at
one another, puzzled, if slightly reassured that they won't be eaten, at least
not today.
Congratulations Bungalow Raiders!
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