Congratulations on Retelling the Little Mermaid!

She will look upon you with tears welling in her eyes.

“Father will never let us be together,” she’ll say, batting her long lashes at you.

“Brrrlb mrrrrgh,” you’ll intone through your scuba equipment. She’ll laugh in response, as if you’d just said something very funny.

“Would that it could be so,” she’ll say, brushing your cheek with her hand. Then she’ll pull off your breathing apparatus and ram her tongue down your throat in her best approximation of a surface kiss.

You’ll shove her away in response and ram the breathing apparatus back into your mouth, choking as you gulp down lungfuls of air and seawater.

“Mrrrph!” you’ll shout at her. “Mrrr kllld mrrr!”

“I’m sorry,” she’ll say, stroking your cheek once again. For a moment you’ll worry that she’s going to rip your breathing apparatus out one last time and drown you under the ocean, having rough mermaid sex with you as you life fades from your body.

But as it turns out she’ll just reach out and grab your junk and give you the second weirdest handjob you’ve ever had.

Afterwards you’ll ask if she wants to come back to the surface with you through a combination of water resistant ink and hand gestures. She’ll consider it at first, but once you see her genitals you’ll politely rescind the offer, and she’ll understand. She’ll give you one last tearful goodbye handjob and the two of you will part ways forever, making your story a complete retelling of the Little Mermaid in that nothing from the original story actually carries over at all.

Congratulations on Retelling The Little Mermaid!