Today you’re going to wake up craving sex like you’ve never known before. You’ll roll out of bed and say to yourself, out loud “Man, I got to get me some of that.”
When you roll downstairs and grab your sack lunch from your mom you’ll give her a little pat on the tush so she knows you mean business.
“What was that?” she’ll ask, genuinely and deeply confused by your actions.
“Ain’t no thang, shawty,” you’ll tell her, making an affectation you believe a pimp would use which is actually closer to a homosexual flick of the wrist.
This will simply serve to confuse her further, so she’ll reiterate her question. “What?” she’ll say, crimson lips wrapped around the syllable like its the most precious thing in the world. Your heart, and pants, will be all aflutter when you step up close and whisper in her ear to make all the confusion go away.
“I’m a sex addict,” you’ll say. Then you’ll cop a feel.
Twenty minutes later you’ll have a black eye and your mom will be on the cell phone to your school. Turns out you won’t be able to go to school that day because you’ve got to have an emergency therapy session. That means just one thing: you’re going to be a virgin and a sex addict for one more day.
Congratulations Sex Addict!
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