Congratulations on Choosing the Wrong Horse!

After you steal the priceless gem from around the neck of Countess Quintessa Montressa you won’t have a lot of time to think. You’ll be running with that shitty imitation gold chain in hand, besashed bodyguards pursuing you through the Old West style theme park, wondering how you could possibly escape.

You’ll consider a bold gunfight, but that’ll go right out the window. You’ve never fired a gun in your life, and you doubt that the sheriffs of this little burg are carrying live firearms. You’d try to escape through the sewers if you thought you could get a moment of privacy, but those royal guards are in good shape so you don’t think you’ll have the opportunity. You’ll consider turning around and shouting just kidding, but that’ll seem too simple to work. Then you’ll see the hitched horses and all your problems will go right out the window.

They’ll be just outside a local “saloon” where tourists can purchase various knick knacks and bottles of liquor. That’s where you bought Quintessa that cowboy themed bear on your first date together, and it seems only fitting that it should give you your means of escape as well.

You’ll leap atop one of the horses and take off galloping. The shocked royal guard will hesitate before mounting the other horse and giving chase, his sash flapping with each kick. You’ll have a decent lead on him and everything will seem fine. That is, until your horse’s leg snaps as you approach the inappropriately named “Ye Olde Gorge.”

You’ll be hurled forward violently and spared death only because you land in a cactus. Quintessa’s guard won’t be so lucky. He’ll follow you over the cliff, assuming that this is all part of a very clever plan on your part. He’ll be wrong, and his horse will land on top of him. Ironically, the horse will survive the fall.

You and the horse will lay there dying until some First Nations People come along and decide to help you out. The two of you will form a bond as you go through traction together and when you leave the First Nations People after establishing a community college with the money from fencing the necklace you’ll ride out on the back of your new horse friend, headed into the unknown together.

Congratulations on Choosing the Wrong Horse!