Congratulations New Kid in Town!

Welcome to town new kid!  We know it can be tough moving around all the time and making new friends, but holy shit - you're really, really cool and we just wanted to let you know that if you want to hang out with us, we're totally down.

Today when you walk in to school, finger in your nose, all the girls are going to start fiddling with the bottom of their shirts, like they want to flash you.

"Mmmm," they'll moan in your general direction, rolling their eyes and licking their lips at you.

"Huh?" you'll mumble as you struggle to find your locker.  You'll get lost a few times but, it being your first day, that's pretty understandable.  The mobs of girls and younger teachers trying to touch your hair won't help matters.

Can anyone help me find my locker?" you'll shout above the mob, at which point a giant hand will reach into the pit of female flesh and pull you out by your backpack, pulling you upward, face to face with a massive slab of flesh, arrayed as if it's been hit time and time again.  The face will be attached to a torso, which will be wearing a letterman's jacket with a giant C on it.

"Sup, new kid," the face will say.  "We'll help you out."

By the end of the day, you'll be familiar with most of the school, friends with all the coolest kids, and you'll have so many young ladies chasing after you that you'll need to use a series of secret tunnels to move from class to class.  When you get home and your mom asks you how school was today, though, you'll mean it when you tell her that it "sucked dick royally."  It's tough to be a new kid, we get it, and really, you shouldn't have to put up with all that bullshit.

Word.

Congratulations New Kid in Town!