There's been a big to do about the push to shift from old
timey light globes to those little swirly pig tail compact fluorescent guys
from the government and people who generally "understand how light bulbs
work." The outcry has been as loud
as it has been nonsensical. People claim
that their bulbs being taken away is akin to communism being spread by the most
vile of thought criminals. Other people
claim they like the light that comes from running an electrical current through
a tiny metal filament until it superheats inside of a vacuum more than the
light that comes from heating up dispersed inert gasses inside of a thicker
sealed object. A few people think that
President Obama plans to monitor homes with the new bulbs, effectively just
watching people fuck all the time through secret bulb cameras.
All of the people irked about the shifting light bulb market
don't really have any idea of what they're talking about, or any real reason to
be upset. Well, all the people except
you. See, you have a rare sexual
proclivity that requires you to have your dick inside of a light bulb with a
tiny piece of metal going into the tip for you to achieve orgasm. Without light bulbs, you literally cannot
reach sexual fulfillment. Obama's
America is an orgasmless hellscape for you.
So you can keep complaining, stockpiling light bulbs and,
twice a week, cracking one open with your erect penis, screaming and making a
terrifying face as your wife watches.
Everyone else needs to shut their god damn mouth holes, because holy
shit. It's just a bunch of light bulbs.
Congratulations Filament Lover!
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